January: Post holiday letdown. Hosted brother-in-law and family of six for Christmas. Mentally exhausted and needed several drinks to reinvigorate myself. Found out due to non-vigilance on yearly PAP(more like the five yearly PAP) had precancerous cells that needed to be lasered off. Spent January freaked out, writing will and telling Snark that he could remarry.
February: Mardi Gras was early. Went to annual Spanishtown parade and spent the day trying to get beads without flashing boobs. It worked, but for how long? Took the kids to New Orleans Mardi Gras and tried to explain that the human condom man was actually the "Boy in the Bubble". Got hit in the face with bags of beads. Needed a beer after that.
Had laser surgery on Valentines day. Best hospital experience ever. But then I always wanted to be knocked out while someone is cauterizing my insides. Wish all PAPs came with optional anesthesia. Cruelest blow of all: Had to cancel reservations at French Laundry in Napa. That was a kick in the pants.
March: Snark informs me that being self-employed stinks. I agree and the job hunt begins. Options are unemployment, Indiana (rather have unemployment), or staying in Baton Rouge and hunting nutria for dinner.
April/May: April is one of those months that passes in a blur. Why? I have no clue but nothing exciting happens and that is just fine with me. May on the other hand is great. My birthday is the 10th. I went to Canton, MS for a huge outdoor bazaar and came back with plenty of goodies. Enjoyable trip barring the moment that someone tried to enter hotel room and my girlfriend turned into Japanese anime heroine. Jumped out of bed screaming "no,no,no!" In spite of fright I fell on the nasty pseudo-carpet laughing. The intruder changed his mind after hearing us in the room.
Had Chicken on a Stick. Highly recommend it.
For Mother's Day I visited my friend in Orlando, Fl. Little did she know that Snark interviewed in Orlando area. Very hard time keeping my mouth shut that weekend seeing as she is one of my closest friends. Kept surreptisiously looking at houses for sale. Snark got the job and I told her. Very nice to have her close by.
June/July: Cleaned out house for showings. Hate that. I like to shove everything in closets, but had to clean those too. Had to pretend that the dog and cat did not exist. They were not thrilled. Cat got revenge by puking right before a showing. Almost told them I'd give her to them if they bought the house. Flew to Orlando for a house hunt. Friend came with Snark and I house-hunting. Realtor was snotty and the housing was horrendous. Wanted to go back and hug my stove in BR. Snark put his foot down and chose the house. He did the right thing but the shock still has not worn off.
August: Mom comes to visit. Gets me off my butt to decorate the house and prods me to do some much needed landscaping. Good will between us lasts about two weeks then we settle down to comfortable bickering until she leaves. I go to visit her in NYC and spend most of my time drooling in windows and seeking out places to eat. Last day there I make my cousin do a food tour with us. List of places:
Beard Papa-cream puffs and only that
Joe's Shanghai- crabmeat soup dumplings
Chinatown--dim sum at some corner and lychees and mangos at the market. Pretty sticky but tasty
Payard--Everyone gets a pastry and we go to Central Park to share. Last mouthful is settled by a verbal abuse contest between my cousin and I. Too bad while we were talking someone else ate it.
Coffee at a truck somewhere I read about.
Prune for dinner--had salmon, ginger spiked vodka lemonade called a ladybug. While cousin's wife was in bathroom drank half of her melon drink with rum and lychee. Denied all knowledge of how it disappeared.
I get blamed for weight gain at the end of it but I know they loved it.
September: School is in full swing. Time for myself. Spend days talking about how great being alone is and twiddling thumbs. Go back to doc and find out the nasty cells are back. I get to go back and get plumbing fixed. I ask innocently if we can just yank all non usuable parts out. Get a strange look from doctor. Spend rest of month revising will and telling Snark that he has to learn how to braid the girls' hair. He gives me strange look also.
October: Gear up for Halloween. Get word that single neighbor is keeping track of my going and coming. No he is not FBI, just nosy. What is worse, single neighbor is not goodlooking. What does that say about me? Low point that month.
November: Had my ten-minute surgery again. Margins come back clear so I am okay for now. Have to go back in six months. Fly to Michigan for Thanksgiving. Gave thanks that I did not live there anymore. Too much snow for me. Had to hear Snark moaning about prefab turkey and nasty stuffing. Gave him Hungry Howie's as compensation for missed turkey dinner. Drank plenty. Had to. Go to brother-in-law's and ply myself with spicy Bloody Marys. It was a good visit after the drinks.
December: Went to Baton Rouge to visit girlfriend. Was hoping I could kick those people out of my house. Was the first time back since Katrina. Traffic everywhere. City is booming. Louisiana people are tough. New Orleans will come back. Went to Whole Foods and cursed that everytime I am leaving they go and build a beautiful Whole Foods in the city I leave. Spent an hour wandering around fondling the cheese and chocolate like a pervert.
Did shopping for Christmas online. Snark and I bought each other books and beer. It's the little things that make us happy.
December 31st--Going to friend's house and drinking.
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