Are we there Yeti?

So imagine my excitement when I got an exclusive invitation to preview Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom. As an annual passholder I was entitled to ride this coaster before the public. So on Sunday we awoke at the crack of dawn and journeyed to Animal Kingdom. We all thought we were getting there when the park opened. The sad reality was we miscalculated and got there an hour later. Six adults, six kids all jogging to get in line. How bad could the line be? We were the select few.

Snark was gimping along, and the rest of us raced to get in some line that Disney employees were herding us to. I looked back to keep pace with him but all I heard was

"Go, save yourself. I'll only hold you back."

Actually the exact words were.

"Hold a place before the lady in the Amigo runs you over." he shooed us all away and limped along with his cane. I did see him surreptitiously stick that cane out to trip someone passing him .

So we get in a line that wraps around a lagoon. Hey, wait a minute here. I begin to realize I am a little ant in a sea of passholders, vacation club owners, resort guests, employees....you get the idea. Hell, why not just open the ride to the public since everyone is going on it anyway.

No, this was not the line for the ride. This was the line for id check to make sure the two people left in the park not able to ride were not let in.

We left that line to rejoin the Fastpass/gift voucher line. That was a bit shorter but then we joined the standby line which read 50 minutes but realistically was 90 minutes. Snark was being a grump since his back was not better. Only four kids could ride with us so the adult who couldn't stand lines took the other two little ones for another ride.

I was scared at the thought of this coaster. Yes, I am the supreme chicken. I was quaking in my shoes and the only thing that made me stay in the line was the thought that my two kids would roll with laughter if they saw how nervous I was. My friend poked me and told me that the only reason her kid was getting on this ride was because I told her it was like Thunder Mountain in Magic Kingdom. So in essence, I had better grin and get on.

Disney is wonderful for building the suspense. We pass through a temple dedicated to the Yeti. There are fallen statues, offerings and drawings. We walk through a tea garden and see "snow" blowing from the summit. We know we are getting near when we pass through a museum showing artifacts from Nepal.

We board a steam train and go up "Everest"and then drop back 80 feet. We see hints of the Yeti tearing up tracks hear his growls. I won't tell you the end but it was a blast and I didn't widdle in my pants once.

Southwest Salisbury Steak with Lime Pickled Onions

Too good for words!

1 1/2 pounds ground chuck beef
1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 4-ounce can chopped mild green chilies
2 tablespoons minced green onions
1 tablespoon tequila
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon salt

1 avocado, pitted, peeled, sliced

Using hands, gently mix first 8 ingredients in large bowl just until blended. Form into four 3/4-inch-thick oval patties. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover; chill.)

Prepare barbecue (medium-high heat). Grill patties until cooked to desired doneness, about 6 minutes per side for medium-rare.

Transfer patties to plates. Top with avocado slices and Lime-pickled Red Onions. Serve, passing salsas alongside.


Lime-pickled Red Onions

1 large red onion, thinly sliced
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
2 teaspoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt


Mix all ingredients in large bowl. Cover and let stand 1 to 3 hours. (Can be made 2 days ahead. Cover and refrigerate.)

Makes about 2 cups.

recipe courtesy of Bon Appetit.

Snark sick day

Snark woke up this morning with his back blown out. He told me at 6am that I would have to take him to the doctor. For Snark to call in sick to work, that meant he probably could not walk.

He would walk clutching the wall periodically when he had a spasm. So I put the girls on the bus and drove him to his doctor's.

The office is open at 8 am but they don't answer the phone till 9 am. Figure that one out? I walk in and ask if they have anything available since he is in pain.

"Uh, no I think the doctor is out somewhere." Dumb answers.

"Yeah, I can't fit him in." Dumber replies.

"Well, where is she? Is she not working today?" I grit my teeth as they stare at each other.

"You can take him to the Urgent Care." I forget which idiot volunteered that one.

From the back of the room a voice pipes up.

"Well how long do I have to wait for the doctor if she's not here?"

I didn't bother to wait for the brilliant reply and took Snark to Urgent Care.

Now Snark is very touchy about his social security number being given out. So everytime he is asked he refuses and annoys me in the process because he argues with the receptionist. He had me talking for him today, though. I seated him around the corner and filled out paperwork.

Receptionist: "You need to fill out his social."

Distant Snark: "Why?"

Me: "Why?"

Receptionist: "My system does not allow me to go any further without it."

Snark: "It is illegal to ask for that."

Me: "It is illegal to ask for that."

Receptionist: "Well, we can't see him."

Snark: "It's against the Patriot Act."

Me:"Here it is, just don't tell him I gave it to you."

Snark: "Give her a fake one."

The doctor came in to check him out and wanted to know what the problem was. Any woman would have said "Lower back pain and spasms." Snark starts off with his shoulder pain he had three months ago and then his knee hurt and when he was at work his upper back hurt a little and now his lower back hurts because he was weeding and walked around Disney and then lifted his nine year old last week. I was screaming internally. The doctor's eyes were glazing over and he was nodding.

"He has lower back pain and spasms." I spit out.

"Okay." the doc gets to work.

He was diagnosed with the medical term "Back Strain." This entitles him to muscle relaxers and extra strength Motrin and a free pass on crabbiness.

"Did you have to tell him your life story? I know you are verbose but that is crazy." He got the five minute lecture on being concise. What is ironic is this is a man who edits for a living.

He insisted on walking into the store with me and quite frankly I would have preferred he didn't. He had a very odd gait( between a hobble and a hop) and he kept clutching the wall everytime his back would spasm. I didn't want to run into anyone I knew in case they thought he might be drug addicted.

He gets home and has a sack of chips for lunch. I don't notice this since I am getting him pain meds and a drink. He then takes one tablet of Flexeril( a muscle relaxant) when he should have only taken a half. He poo-poos that half tablet notion since he says he is too big for that dosage. Well the bigger they are the harder they fall. Which is precisely what he did.

He took a nap and decided to get up on his own. The short story is he clutched the wall and then blacked out. His first vision was me talking in his face and waving my hands asking him my name. He says yelling, I say talking loudly. I called 911. They put me on hold. I then call from my cell and they actually take the call. Snark is fine but right now I have given him medicine, walked him around the house and lectured some more on eating food and taking lowest dosage prescribed. I then went to my fridge poured myself the Big Gulp of wine. And no I am not taking the lowest dose.

Cajun Chicken Stew

Not for the fat conscious. But everytime I make this it reminds me of where I grew up. No, not some farm or the bayou. More like a small industrial town in West Louisiana and the suburbs of New Orleans.

Note: Make sure that roux is cooked thoroughly or the stew will taste like raw flour. I also take most of the skin off the chicken, leaving only a few pieces with skin on.

3 to 6 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 (3- to 31/2-lb) chicken, cut into serving pieces
21/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 medium onion, chopped
1 medium green bell pepper, chopped
1 celery rib, chopped
3 cups water
1/4 teaspoon cayenne, or to taste
3/4 cup thinly sliced scallion greens
Hot cooked rice

Heat 3 tablespoons oil in a 4- to 5-quart heavy pot (preferably cast-iron) over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking. Pat chicken dry and sprinkle with salt. Brown chicken in 4 batches, turning, about 5 minutes per batch, transferring as browned to a large bowl.

Add enough of remaining oil to pot to total 1/4 cup fat, then stir in flour with a flat metal or wooden spatula and cook over moderately low heat, scraping back and forth constantly (not stirring), until roux is the color of milk chocolate, 10 to 20 minutes. Add onion, bell pepper, and celery and cook, scraping back and forth occasionally, until onion is softened, about 8 minutes.

Add water to roux mixture and bring to a boil, stirring occasionally until roux is incorporated. (Roux will appear curdled initially, but will come together as it reaches a boil.) Add chicken and any juices accumulated in bowl, then simmer, partially covered, until chicken is cooked through, 30 to 35 minutes. Stir in cayenne, scallion greens, and salt to taste and serve over rice.

Pre-show titters

It's the best time of the year. When I say that, I mean it's award season. For me that means the Golden Globes and the Oscars. Now in terms of whether the recepient was actually deserving, I could care less. That lost all meaning when Gywneth Paltrow won for Shakespeare in Love. Thought the movie was good, not oscar worthy. But, that is another blog post.

Snark likens my pre-award hysteria with his preparing for his rotissierie baseball team draft(as we speak, he is in the dungeon pouring over manuals and a year's worth of Baseball America).

A few observations that are purely subjective.

Reese Witherspoon: Her dress emphasized her lack of bust. Looked like she was wearing a shield over the actual dress. Found out just now she is in a snit because the supposedly the dress was "vintage" but Kirsten Dunst wore it to the 2003 Globes. I just hope they cleaned it for Reese. Oh and get over it!

Hilary Swank: Love whatever she wears. She has a killer body that looks great in fitted gowns. She must have a whips and chains fetish because the back of the dress was black straps. Looked sexy though.

Melanie Griffith: Sometimes you just have to accept your age. Melanie can't. She looked like a trussed up turkey. She also had the worst accessory..the lips who swallowed Paris.

Gywneth Paltrow: I understand that she is pregnant but did she steal one of her costumes from "Shakespeare in Love"? I think she wanted to remind her audience that she won an Oscar(undeservedly so) and that she is much more than Mrs. Chris Martin.

Keira Knightley: If I pulled one of those tassels on the gown would the bell ring below stairs?

Scarlett Johansson: She should hand some of her bust up to Reese.

The Snarkinator

I live with a super hero. I did not realize it till last night. He is Clark Kent. Mild mannered, meek and wears glasses. I was so impressed by his powers that I just have to mention them.

We had a few friends over last night for dinner. Our dinners usually consist of six kids running around screaming. I am yelling for everyone to avoid the oven door. Snark is passing out numbing medication(alcoholic refreshment) and my friends are doing a bizarre version of Riverdance, avoiding kids, the oven door and reaching for food while fending off The Incredible Crotch Nudging Hound.

During all this Snark turns on the timer for the microwave. I pass by after a few minutes and notice the microwave is on and heating something. WELL, the heated item was my food cover that was a bubbling melted mess in the microwave. I turn to Snark and hiss

"You turned the micro on instead of the timer."

Okay, here is where his superpowers kicked in. In a flash his deflector shield was up and what came bouncing back at me was his laser retort.

"Well, you have left the oven on several times and I didn't get that mad."

"You could have caused a fire." my teeth were clenched at this point.


"I guess I could just mention that you left a candle burning while we went to Disney."

Damn that deflector shield. If only he would use his power for good.

"

Tomato Basil Squares

My friend T. made these for a party. I believe I ate half of them before they made it to the masses.

Tomato-Basil Squares

1 pkg refrigerated pizza crust
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
1/4 cup grated fresh Parmesan
2/3 cup mayonnaise
2 Tablespoons snipped fresh basil leaves
1 garlic clove pressed
4 plum tomatoes, sliced

Preheat oven to 375. Roll out pizza crust onto a baking sheet. Sprinkle crust with one cup mozzarella, set aside.

Mix together remaining mozzarella cheese, parmesan, mayo, basil, and garlic in small bowl. Arrange sliced tomatoes onto crust and spread cheese mixture evenly over tomatoes.

Bake 15-20 minutes or until crust is golden. Cut into squares and serve warm.

A Book a Day keeps Illiteracy away!

I love books. I love to read. Hand me anything. I may not like the content but I will read it. Books are food. Every single one, even the ugly ones, are friends. My grandmother stuck a book in my hand at two. I have read as long as I can remember. I am not discriminate either. I am a book slut. I have friends who turn their noses up at romances or pot boilers to read these gut-wrenching, soul -provoking, migraine -inducing works of art. Give me a good pot-boiler any day. Reading is an escape. I don't want to think too hard when I am reading. That is why they have college textbooks and this thing called school.

Anyway, here is a list of what and who Lavagirl reads and re-reads. That is the hallmark of a great book. The ability to create the same emotions in the re-reading. BTW, this is an eclectic collection. There is no order to this.

Enid Blyton: Anything by this British children's author is worth reading. This was the author that started my love of books and food. I was transported into a magical world and when I was chased into the garden proceeded to look for gnomes and fairies that took you to such places as "Birthday Land" and sometimes,unfortunately, the "Land of Smacks".

Helen Fielding: "Bridget Jones Diary" made me laugh out loud. I enjoyed the sequel and that is where my enjoyment ends. Bridget was insecure, smoked and ate too much. My kind of woman

The Harry Potter Series: Little did I know when I picked up the first book out of boredom, that I would become this obsessive lunatic about this series. When Book 6 came out I shut my bedroom door and told anyone to enter at their own risk. Need I say more.

The Da Vinci Code: I'm putting this book down because it really it a fantastic work of FICTION. Okay people, just remember that and then read the book. I bet the people who believe that this book is the truth are the same ones that think there is a Hogwarts. That said Dan Brown puts me to sleep. I believe he is a one-hit wonder.

Dorothy Cannell: "The Thin Woman" is laugh out loud and she is consistently great! Just wish she would put something else out.

I have some more, but I need to continue this post in two parts so that is it for now.

Salad Daze

My former neighbor Eva. invented this salad. It was standard at neighborhood parties. All the ingredients are from memory so forgive me. In order for it to be authentic you have to toss it with Charlie Gitto's house dressing but I find honey-mustard dressing works great. Everyone in my old hood knows ........

Eva's Salad

2 hearts romaine torn into bite size pieces
2 avocados cut into chunks
1/2 cup pine nuts toasted
1/2 red onion sliced
2 Roma tomatoes seeded and chopped fine

Toss with dressing just to taste and add salt and pepper