Dad

We lost my father-in-law in August 2004. Snark was very close to his dad so there is a small piece of his heart that shriveled up. It hurt me more than I thought it would. I have known my father-in-law my whole life. Snark's parents and my grandparents were close, so as a child I was always hearing about Snark's family and vice versa.

To someone who did not know my father-in-law, their first impression would have been "elegant." He was a gentleman in the truest sense. Elegantly dressed, well-read and a renowned physician. He was an imposing figure. He didn't believe in wasted words. If you listened carefully, you would have caught flashes of humor interspersed in his thoughts.

My sister-in-law and I would feel a little quake when we were alone with him. He was introverted, and we had no clue what to say around him. He looked stern. Did he approve of us???

As time went on we saw glimpses of the man he really was. My first peek was when Snark told his parents we were engaged. His mother blustered about being young and foolish. Later in life, I heard that his dad kneeled down and said a prayer, crying for joy that we had found each other.

When the grandchildren were born, he held everyone of them like the professional he was. And when he visited, he always had a baby dangling off a knee. When he was ill, the grandchildren would throw themselves at him. He had a painful tumor in his stomach. He never told them to stop or pushed them away. I saw him wince numerous times, but he always held them close and kissed them. When they ran around the house yelling like banshees, he would quietly disappear into his room(Snark always snuck in with him) leaving them to scream the house down.

He never mentioned things he did. Only after he passed we found out he had put various cousins through college or supported family members.

He and my mother-in-law were an arranged marriage. They were just an old married couple. She has suffered since he passed. I never knew the extent of her longing for him until this past weekend.

I was clearing out his office and found a stack of letters he had kept. Most of them were from him to my mother-in-law when she was pregnant with Snark's older brother (When you are Indian, it was, and is, a given that you go to your mother's house to give birth. You stay there for a month). He was in the U.K., finishing his education and starting his career, and she was in India. The letters were moth-eaten and the writing had faded. I did not want to pry, but I couldn't help reading one. He spoke of his love for her. He asked about their beautiful son, and if he looked like her. He couldn't wait for his family to come home because he missed them. The feelings he expressed made me understand the quiet man I grew to love as a father. I couldn't read anymore, tears were staining the page.

I put them away in a place my mother-in-law would find. If anything, I miss him more after I read those letters.