Air Travails

If there is one thing worse than going to get cavities filled, it is traveling with small children on a plane.

I always tell myself that this is the year that they settle down and chill out on a flight. It is bound to get better. I pack umpteen things to fiddle with and food to cram down their throats. It wasn't any better.

We got to the airport just fine and that was when the fun started. We had the carry-on fight, which consists of two girls wrestling over who gets to roll it along while they are running. The winner is the one that runs over the most feet while I am running after her. The loser is the one screaming hysterically that her sister gets all the fun.

Choose a seat is the next game. I tell them to pick a number between one and ten. The one closest to my number gets to choose the seat. My oldest gets it this time. She graciously gives the window to her sister. She then adds that she prefers the aisle because she gets drinks first and she can visit the restroom at will. "Besides, that way your window trip is over and done with and I can look forward to having the window on the way home." she throws that in for good measure. Can you guess what happened after those comments?

Security check was fun. I tell them to take off shoes and keep quiet. It was going well until the youngest piped up to the security guard. "Do you think we have a bomb and we'll crash?". I almost disowned her. Luckily, the guard was benevolent and explained procedure to her.

Getting on the flight was the easiest part. The highlight of the flight for the youngest was the stewardess gave her a can of Pepsi. Within ten minutes the oldest was done with reading three books and was bored of her GameBoy. I apologized for not realizing she was a genius. I then wanted to talk about the books. She pretended to be asleep.

The bathroom was fascinating. The first time the youngest went in she couldn't figure out how to get out and banged on the door till the stewardess unlocked it for her. She fell into my arms, wild-eyed and trembling.

"That is one dangerous bathroom. I thought the toilet was going to suck me away. I was thinking you would leave the plane without me." The rest of the trip she was quiet. I think she was concentrating on holding it till she could get to a "normal" bathroom.

My oldest had springs in her rear end. She bounced up and down and kept grabbing the back of the seat in front of her. I correct that, she kept grabbing the bald man's head in front of her. I would give her the evil eye and she would stop, only to start a few minutes later. It did not help that her sister whispered loudly.

"That man's head is really shiny. Do you think he waxes it?" The man was not amused.

Nobody lynched us on the flight and the kids survived to visit their grandmother. Next flight I am taking a Benadryl and/or knocking myself out.

Snark, during all this, was snoring in another seat away from us. To get my revenge I put him with the girls on the trip home.